


Rude Awakening: Switching Formats

by DIsaac (Allstar20032)



Series: Rude Awakening [6]
Category: Daria - Fandom
Genre: Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-21
Updated: 2011-06-21
Packaged: 2017-10-20 15:08:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/214067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allstar20032/pseuds/DIsaac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daria bored out of her mind on a Saturday night does what any writer would do - think of a crazy idea and write it! We have done many crazy things in 4 episodes. This might be the craziest yet.</p><p>Spawned by a Hyrin post and perfected by a post from TheExcellentS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rude Awakening: Switching Formats

  
**  
  
Scene 1 (Daria's Apartment, Bored and with nothing to, Daria lets her mind wonder and gets an idea for a new story)  
  
  
**   


DARIA:  
Well it's Saturday night at Casa Di Morgendorffer. Actual alone time - this is a rare commodity these days, but do I have the strychnine on standby.

(Walks over to the fridge)

DARIA:  
Ahh, Cheap wine. The drink of female writers. If I was a guy I would have some beer in here. I wonder … what if - me and Jane were guys? Would we be the same people? Well I'm a writer, so I’ll write it out!

(Daria walks over to the writing corner of her apartment with her computer ready)

DARIA:  
Wait I wonder – What if WHUB was different? Trade Ted for Maggie. Dani and Stacy become Danny and Stanley, Charles become Charlena and we become Darius and John. What would it be like?

Oh the potential for jokes. I'm trading Boston for Columbus to protect the innocent, mainly me!  
The call letters -  
WCOL, No it's real station and I don't want to get sued.  
WOHC - Not catchy plus it's sucks as well.  
WCOH - that's it! - WCOH 104.7 Columbus. Well this is going to be a story that no one else will see. Plus, I need to practice on my scripting - so I'll do it that way. They won't believe I wrote it either too! Time for me to go crazy! (Daria unleashes her “mad scientist” laugh)

(Daria starts typing As you hear the sound of fingers against a keyboard, you get thrown into the story)

  
  
  
**Scene 2 (Daria's Scene 1, WCOH break room, Darius and John walk in)**   
  
  


DANNY:  
Stan, I don't care how hot Jessie is, she is still my sister.

STAN:  
But she is hot. Hey Darius, John.

JOHN:  
Yo! What's the conversation about?

DANNY:  
Can you tell Stan over here that doing your friend's sister is against the bro code.

DARIUS:  
Since when?

DANNY:  
Since it was written!

DARIUS:  
I’ve broken that rule over and over again, thanks to Cupid John – Over there.

JOHN:  
You were single and Trina was single so bing bang boom and Monty was out of the way too. Monty was an epic jackass.

DARIUS:  
Thanks for your insightful comment, Lane!

JOHN:  
Can't do it without me, Morgendorffer!

DARIUS:  
So why are you so scared to let Stanley, your best friend, near Jessie?

DANNY:  
Jessie is a few strikes short from a complete game.

DARIUS:  
So she is the dumb and hot type.

DANNY:  
Stan like girls with minds.

STAN:  
Who said anything about intelligence when we are talking brains.

DANNY:  
SEE WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH!!

DARIUS:  
Yes, and Stan - I don't want to know your definition of brains.

JOHN:  
I know what he's saying!

DARIUS:  
Careful, before I tell Macy.

JOHN:  
Man, you are no fun!

DARIUS:  
Listen, give Stan a chance to prove himself to you and Jessie.

DANNY:  
As much as I don't want to do it - I will.

STAN:  
STANLEY ROWE IS WINNING, DUH!

DANNY:  
You know I can still put a foot in your ass, right?

 **Scene 3 (Daria's Scene 2, The Studio, Macy A.K.A Female Mack, who strangely looks like Jodie is there with the Producer Burnout, who in this world Daria made is now California surfer guy, Jamie Burns)  
**  
BURNOUT:  
Coffee – Where is it?

JOHN:  
I’ve got it!

DARIUS:  
Cool, The Misery Guy needs it!

MACY:  
Hey, Guys what about the lady in the room?

JOHN:  
Here is yours.

MACY:  
Thanks, Johnny.

(Back to the computer with Daria)

DARIA:  
Damn, I didn't think of the name of the show.

I need a refill on this glass of wine - stat.

(Knock at the door)

DARIA:  
Who is it?

JANE:  
It's LANE!

(Daria goes over to the door to let Jane in.)

DARIA:  
What are you doing here?

JANE:  
Well the night with Mack was a bust.

DARIA:  
How?

JANE:  
He was out cold when I left.

DARIA:  
Chipmunk must have showed you some of her moves.

JANE:  
No, it was a meat lovers pizza that took him out.

DARIA:  
Oh, it's the “itis” that got him.

JANE:  
I see you’re writing. A new Melody Powers novel?

DARIA:  
Not exactly. I'm typing out an idea I had.

JANE:  
Ooh something new! What is it?

DARIA:  
It's a “What If?” story.

JANE:  
Aaaabbbbooouuuttt?

DARIA:  
What if we were guys and I switched up everybody in the story?

JANE:  
Interesting - where are you at?

DARIA:  
I got stuck on what to call the morning show?

JANE:  
Remember our show in high school?

DARIA:  
D is for Detriment?

JANE:  
That's it! Now did you remember what we were going to call the show -

DARIA:  
Detrimental Morning!

JANE:  
That's it and we should get Jodie to let us change the name.

DARIA:  
Jodie want to be true to WHUB's History, so no.

JANE:  
Do you mind if I sketch?

DARIA:  
I don't mind - plus you can give me say into your character.

JANE:  
Which is named?

DARIA:  
John.

JANE:  
Why do I feel gypped by John? What about Chase. Chase Lane. Cool ass name. Even cooler radio name.

DARIA:  
It's my story and Mack is in here.

JANE:  
Ok, what is his - I mean her name.

DARIA:  
It's Macy.

JANE:  
She’s got a cool name.

DARIA:  
Mine's Darius.

JANE:  
Come on, use your Imagination.

DARIA:  
Trust me, the wine is helping me find it!

JANE:  
Where are they at?

DARIA:  
Columbus.

JANE:  
Nice. You are going to write more, right?

DARIA:  
I will.

JANE:  
I’ve got my pitchfork at the ready, Morgendorffer.

DARIA:  
Put that away. I don't need farm equipment to write.

  


**Scene 4 (Inside Daria's Story, The show gets rolling)  
**  
VO:  
WCOH Columbus is WCOH 104.7FM Welcome to the show that is a Detriment to all morning show! Detrimental Mornings with Darius, John and Macy.

MACY:  
What is happening, Central Ohio!

DARIUS:  
John what are you doing?

JOHN:  
Selling Gold pants and a Game Worn Jersey on Ebay. $500 for the pants and $100 for the jersey.

(Back to Daria and Jane)

JANE:  
That's a low blow, amiga

DARIA:  
What? I would of sold them for $5,000. You know how much gold is going for these days.

JANE:  
Blackmailer-in-chief.

DARIA:  
How did you think you got those pizzas in high school?

JANE:  
True.

(Back to the story)

DARIUS:  
Where did you get them?

JOHN:  
Connections.

MACY:  
I don't want to know about your connections.

DARIUS:  
But the NCAA does. It's 7:35 on WCOH  
  
(Back to Daria and Jane)

DARIA:  
Problem.

JANE:  
What is it?

DARIA:  
I don't where to take the characters.

JANE:  
Aren't the characters supposed to be Me and You, Mack?

DARIA:  
Yeah.

JANE:  
Imagine it's just me, you, and Mack talking on Rude Awakening.

DARIA:  
That is some good writing advice. Are you planning to write something?

JANE: I draw. You write. It's a good deal.

(Back to the story)  
  
JOHN:  
We are in the middle of the “Hook Up Joey” contest - ladies send in your picture.

DARIUS:  
There has been some good entries so far for the contest, keep it coming.

MACY:  
For the record, I find this all offensive.

DARIUS:  
You created the contest.

MACY:  
I DIDN'T think CENTRAL OHIO has that many FREAKS.

DARIUS:  
Macy, I could have told you that from the beginning.

MACY:  
I'm still beside myself.

JOHN:  
The freaks do come out in the morning, Macy.

MACY:  
I see.

(Back to Daria and Jane)

JANE:  
That conversation looked familiar.

DARIA:  
Mack is still shock at some of the entries.

JANE:  
Especially the schlong pics.

DARIA:  
Should we be offended that Jodie gave those male strippers automatic bids?

JANE:  
Not at all. If Mack wasn't it the picture, Janey would be giving them all the mattress test.

DARIA (Mona Lisa Smile):  
You always have been the adventurous one.

JANE:  
Oh, That's your nice way of saying “I'm a freak.”

DARIA:  
I always said liquids and rest breaks.

JANE:  
Do you pay attention to your own rule?

DARIA:  
When I can.

(Back to the story)

BURNOUT:  
And we are clear. Macy, lighten up about it.

MACY:  
I'm still shocked he gave those Columbus Gold strippers a free pass.

JOHN:  
It will be all over soon.

MACY:  
And I won already.

DARIUS:  
You two, I got my spray bottle at the ready.

JOHN:  
What about you and Brittany?

(Back to Daria and Jane)

JANE:  
Wait, So no switchy of Kevy?

DARIA: Yep.

JANE:  
So if you were a guy you would have went with Brittany Taylor?

DARIA:  
The girl had some brains hidden and if she had used them when she was away from Kevin - she would have been smart on our level. You know, she was a master at military tactics.

JANE:  
So why did she become a comedienne?

DARIA:  
You go out with high-school Kevin and you would have a book full of jokes, too.

JANE:  
Those headlights had to be fake.

DARIA:  
Real. Kevin told me.

JANE:  
Hmm.

(Back to the story)

DARIUS:  
What me and Brittany do is nobody's business.

JOHN:  
What about the other floors?

DARIUS:  
What about You and Macy?

JOHN:  
Morgendorffer!

DARIUS:  
Lane!

MACY:  
Mackenzie!

JOHN:  
You just wanted to hear your name.

MACY:  
I was thinking the same thing with you two!

  
 **Scene 5 (Daria and Jane are talking about what a “Female” Upchuck would be like)**

DARIA:  
What would a “Female” Upchuck look like?

JANE:  
I don't think there is a female way to flip Upchuck.

DARIA:  
Jane, I think of Stacy as a possible female “Upchuck”

JANE:  
Daria Morgendorffer, That is an insult to Stacy Rowe!

DARIA:  
They do have a another name for a female “Upchuck” ?

JANE:  
I know what you want to say, but I won't let you finish like Kayne. What if Upchuck being female makes him more sensitive to the feeling of other people. I could see “Female” Upchuck being a hopeless romantic.

DARIA:  
Jane, you just described Stacy Rowe. She is sensitive to the feelings of others and is a chronic hopeless romantic.

JANE:  
No, you mean “Hopeful” romantic. Upchuck is Hopeless!

DARIA:  
You are right about that.

JANE:  
Would she get play from the guys?

DARIA:  
Guys hormones are raging so maybe unless you make her fat or extremely awkward?

JANE:  
Like Stacy in high school.

DARIA:  
Stacy wasn't NEVER fat, but she was awkward as hell. You know, Rowe would kill us for saying all of that.

JANE:  
I can run. You - I'm not so sure.

DARIA:  
 I thought we was the “freaking friends?”

JANE:  
I like living - it makes me feel special. I'll mourn you everyday but I like to live.

DARIA:  
Lane, a choir of 1,000 Cee Lo Greens can't emphatically say what two words that I want to say to you now.

JANE:  
Those words are "Thank You".

DARIA:  
Go get me some more wine. I want to do some drunken writing like Hemingway.

JANE:  
That guy was plastered all the time. He makes Ke$ha look like an amateur.

DARIA (Starts thinking for a second):  
Maybe we're looking at a Female Upchuck the wrong way.

JANE:  
What do you mean?

DARIA:  
How does Upchuck see himself?

JANE:  
God’s gift to women.

DARIA:  
What would he do if he was she?

JANE:  
She would be god’s gift to men and would probably have guys like Upchuck following her.

DARIA:  
I have someone in mind now and it isn't Stacy.

(Daria gets typing)  
  
 **Scene 6 (Daria's scene 3, Darius and John are talking about the game.)**

JOHN:  
I swear Lebron going to the Finals will be the end of me.

DARIUS:  
I told you that he gave Cleveland's front office a chance to prove themselves and what did they do? They got an old as hell Shaq.  
LeBron wants titles not BS. The only way that was going to happen was by leaving Cleveland.

JOHN:  
I hate your logic on that but he betrayed a city.

DARIUS:  
Would you want to live in Cleveland?

JOHN:  
No.

DARIUS:  
Then why would he want to live in Cleveland – Get out while you still can!

JOHN:  
Ahh, the state motto of Ohio.

DARIUS:  
Oh No, It's Charlena.

(Charlena comes in, It's a dead knock off of Quinn but with tight-fitting jeans and a shirt that exposes almost a little too much cleavage and midriff, It actually barely qualifies as a shirt, and wearing just the right amount of make up, she has Upchuck's red hair, but it is long as and in the same style as Quinn's)

CHARLENA:  
How are you sexy gentlemen are doing today?

DARIUS:  
Didn’t we talk about being professional at work with you?

JOHN:  
And not a professional stripper.

CHARLENA:  
Gentlemen, I'm insulted by that. I'm just using what the good Lord gave me.

DARIUS:  
And by Lord - you mean Dr. Lord, the Plastic Surgeon at Easton?

JOHN:  
 I remember that time. You left for vacation with B's and came back with D's.

CHARLENA:  
Do as you are written - that's what they say.

DARIUS:  
What do you want?

CHARLENA:  
I have a problem.

JOHN:  
Really. We didn't notice.

CHARLENA:  
 I have a lot guys, but I want to settle down.

(Darius and John snicker then just flat-out laugh in her face)

CHARLENA:  
I'm serious, you two!

DARIUS:  
Sorry, I have to check that hell hasn't froze over.

JOHN:  
You are serious.

CHARLENA:  
I am – How do you see me?

DARIUS:  
From what you are - I see you as an easy piece of tail.

JOHN:  
I wouldn't settle with you at all.

CHARLENA:  
Oh.

DARIUS:  
But what do we know - we have girlfriends in our life.

JOHN:  
Yeah, we aren't single.

CHARLENA:  
Wait - I'm Charlena Ruttheimer – I can get any man I want in this city. Columbus, you haven't heard the last of me.

(Back to Daria and Jane)  
  
JANE:  
Sounds like we have our A storyline for the show.

DARIA:  
We do.

JANE:  
What happens with the Danny, Stan and Jessie story?

DARIA:  
Lane, This is only part 2 of the show, you have to let it flow.

JANE:  
I want to know the rest before you get drunk.

DARIA:  
Too late for that.

  


  
**  
  
Scene 7 (Opens with Daria and Jane at the computer, Daria is working on her 3rd glass of wine and writing, while Jane is still sketching)   
  
**   


JANE:  
OK, We have seen me, you, Mack, Stacy, Dani, and Upchuck.

DARIA:  
Correct - and I have also hinted at Jodie's flip.

JANE:  
So how do flip Ted?

DARIA:  
You will be surprised.

JANE:  
I'll let you write because you are getting near Mel Gibson drunk.

DARIA:  
Jane, There is not enough alcohol in the world to do all of that.

JANE:  
Well you might be the second person to pass out on me tonight.

DARIA:  
We will see.

(Daria starts typing)

  
**  
  
Scene 8 (John, Stan and Danny meeting Mystik Spiral)   
  
**   


DANNY:  
John, thanks for covering me with this.

JOHN:  
No problem, Danno. I'm here to help.

(They walk inside to the studio where Mystik Spiral is playing one of their hits)

TRINA with JESSIE in Back up:  
Who shot the hippies? Who locked them in a zoo?  
Who gagged the beatniks? Who filled their mouths with glue?  
Who crushed the bohos? Who turned their work to poo?  
Hey, Mr. Normal, it was you!

(Even in this universe, they still sound like they need the practice.)

JOHN:  
How they got a record contract - I'm still wondering that.

TRINA:  
Hey, Johnny!

JOHN:  
Hey, Trina. I brought some friends who wanted to meet.

JESSIE:  
Cool! - Who are they?

JOHN:  
This is Stanley Rowe and that's your brother, Jessie.

JESSIE:  
Oh.

TRINA:  
Don't mind her - she gets lost sometime in the music. Let me introduce to the band. On the drums is Maxine Tyler. Over there on the Bass is Nikki Campbell. On the Rhythm Guitar is Jessie Moreno and I'm the lead singer, Trina Lane. So Danny, what did you think of the song?

DANNY (Thinking):  
Damn it! I didn't notice until now, how hot Trina is. Say something you idiot.  
(Speaking):  
It was cool.

TRINA:  
So Stan - what did you think?

STAN:  
I love your songs, but I think Mr. Normal is one of your worst song.

DANNY:  
Will you excuse us for a second, ladies?

(Danny and Stan walk out of the studio)

DANNY:  
What the hell is wrong with you?

STAN:  
What do you mean?

DANNY:  
What are you doing bagging on their music? You never bag on another musician's music!

STAN:  
Don't you bag on their music all the time?

DANNY:  
Yes, In the privacy of my own home but not in front of them!

STAN:  
Then you agree with me?

DANNY:(Twisting his face in pain):  
Stan, I'm TALKing about YOU not ME.

STAN:  
You like Trina.

DANNY:  
What?

STAN:  
You like Trina and you want me to play nice.

DANNY: (Sighing):  
Yes, Stanley - I want you to play nice so I can get in Trina's Pants.

STAN:  
But aren't you breaking bro code with John?

DANNY:  
John tried to hook up Trina with Darius - If that isn't a sign of desperation I don't know what is!

STAN:  
As much as I don't like it, I'm on board - But Trina is a hard cookie.

DANNY:  
Then what is my sister?

STAN:  
A hard read.

DANNY:  
True.

(At the same time in the studio)

JESSIE:  
Why did Danny take Stan out? I'm liking him for being honest.

TRINA:  
Hmm. - I kind of hate that song too.

NIKKI:  
Hey, I wrote that song!

MAXINE:  
Don't sweat it - he might of liked one of your other songs you wrote.

NIKKI:  
That was the ONLY song I wrote.

MAXINE:  
Hmm. - Damn, that sucked.

TRINA:  
Maybe you can write another song for the group.

JESSIE:  
Didn't you write “Ow! My Face!”?

TRINA:  
I though you wrote it after a bad night drinking? (laughing then coughing)

(Jessie starts thinking)

MAXINE:  
UH OH! Jessie is thinking.

NIKKI:  
I think we are going to be here for a while.

(Danny and Stan walks back in)

DANNY:  
What is Jessie doing?

TRINA:  
She's thinking. Oh yeah, we like your friend for being honest. We hate that song too.

NIKKI:  
Which I wrote!

DANNY:  
See what you started, Stan!

STAN:  
Sorry about that!

TRINA:  
No problem. We don't like practicing at a set time - we like to let it flow. Where's Johnny?

DANNY:  
I saw him heading to his car and he was saying he had a headache.

JESSIE (Snaps out of it):  
Oh yeah! I wrote that after Johnny was complaining about noise from the band one day!

MAXINE:  
And Jessie is unstuck again.

TRINA:  
What is your favorite song from us?

STAN:  
Simple, Every Dog Has His Day and Freaking Friends. I love those two songs.

TRINA:  
I wrote Every Dog Has His Day with Nikki over there.

NIKKI:  
Wait? I DID write another song?

TRINA:  
You did that song with me that one day. You’re getting just as bad as Jessie. (laughing then coughing)

STAN:  
Who was Freaking Friends about?

TRINA:  
Darius and John.

STAN:  
Cool! I see me and Danny's friendship like that. Trina?

TRINA:  
Yeah, Stan.

STAN:  
Can you help me introduce me to Jessie?

TRINA:  
From how Jessie was talking, I think she would like that.

  
**  
  
Scene 9 (Charlena talks with Maggie, Maggie could be easily mistaken for Daria but with Ted's glasses, his blond hair and sense of style.)   
  
**   


CHARLENA:  
Maggie!

MAGGIE:  
What is it this time?

CHARLENA:  
Maggie, I value your opinion.

MAGGIE:  
Oh no. We are not going there again. You should of not taken those pictures in college.

CHARLENA:  
It's not that and anyway, I needed the money. I'm having a problem.

MAGGIE:  
Lay it on me.

CHARLENA:  
I want to find a guy – a quality guy- that I could to settle down with.

MAGGIE:  
You aren't the settling down type at all.

CHARLENA:  
That's the problem!

MAGGIE:  
Ready for a blunt assessment of the situation, Charlena.

CHARLENA:  
Ready for it as I’ll ever be.

MAGGIE:  
Charlena Ruttheimer, you are a filthy nasty ho. When they say you can't change a ho into a housewife - they are talking about you. Screwing you is probably like throwing a hot dog down a really long and wide hallway. You don't get that it's quality over quantity.

CHARLENA:  
Geesh, Tell me how you really feel, Maggie Dewitt-Clinton?

MAGGIE:  
I just did, Ms. Ruttheimer, I am going out tonight and I will show how to hold your cards instead of playing 52 card get laid. Charlena, If a man wants you, you should never have to chase him. Let him be the hunter and you be the hardest prey you can be. Give them a challenge - they will thank you for it.

CHARLENA:  
How?

MAGGIE:  
They will thank you very much indeed. Lena, I play chess not checkers.

CHARLENA:  
I like your thinking, Dewitt-Clinton.

(Back at Daria's)

JANE:  
Wait - did you tuckerized yourself into the story?

DARIA:  
No, that is Ted.

JANE:  
Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Morgendorffer.

DARIA:  
What about “The Spiral” part?

JANE:  
I always wondered if I could be a rocker?

DARIA:  
You can't sing.

JANE:  
I can play guitar and you can play the drums a little bit.

DARIA:  
More than you can know, I’ve even filled in for Max a time or two when he’s been too drunk to play.

JANE:  
We just need bassist and a lead singer.

DARIA:  
Dani is a former bassist and I have heard Jodie sing before - she's good – record contract good.

JANE:  
What would you call this band?

DARIA:  
Boston Riot.

JANE:  
It sounds like you have thinking about this for a while now.

DARIA:  
I might do it.

JANE:  
Is that the wine talking?

DARIA:  
Not so much the wine but more the sheer boredom of life at a radio station.

JANE:  
Wait, WHUB and boring has never been said in the same sentence.

DARIA:  
But my life and boredom has been said in the same sentence a lot of times before.

  
**  
**   


**Scene 10 (Daria's apartment)**  
  
JANE:  
Pizza's here!

DARIA:  
Great! I was getting hungry writing.

JANE:  
So have you to imagine what a meeting at “WCOH” would look like?

DARIA:  
If they are anything like our meeting then – NO.

JANE:  
Come on – there's potential for jokes there.

DARIA:  
You are getting to into my writing too much.

JANE:  
You mean the pizza bribe? That was just because I was getting hungry watching you type.

DARIA:  
Didn't you eat before you got here.

JANE:  
I did, but I have a high metabolism.

DARIA:  
Yeah, say that to yourself till it sounds good.

JANE:  
Hey, I run 5 miles a day. I need the calories.

DARIA:  
You mean you didn't need it doing Mack?

JANE:  
Don't you have a story to write?

DARIA:  
I do, but that doesn't mean Lane isn't home free from teasing.

(Daria gets back to writing her story)

  
 **Scene 11 (WCOH Breakroom Staff meeting, Joey Landon. who looks like strangely Mack but with a sharp 3 piece suit, is with the whole staff of WCOH talking business)  
**  
JOEY:  
How is our staff is doing today?

(Moans of “good” and “fine” are heard)

JOEY:  
Glad to hear you are still living. As you know our PD and MD, Darius Morgendorffer and John Lane have been working hard on our music lineup and it has been doing great in the market.

Charlena, I would like you to stop hitting on every male listener – Especially on our Facebook page! That is for WCOH business. Your Booty calls are NOT WCOH business.

CHARLENA:  
I didn't do that.

JOEY:  
Then why did those message from us end up on the page when you was on air and in control of the page?

CHARLENA:  
You did want me to talk to listeners.

JOEY:  
Not in that way, Charlena. Also, Maggie?

MAGGIE:  
Yeah?

JOEY:  
Quit assaulting the snack machine.

MAGGIE:  
I'll quit assaulting it when it stop eating my money and not giving my snack!

JOEY:  
You guys are weird, but I love working with you all. Get out of here guys and make some great radio.

(Everybody leaves but Macy)

MACY:  
Joey, can I talk with you?

JOEY:  
Sure, Macy.

MACY:  
You hired me six months ago but you never talked about the elephant in the room.

JOEY:  
Oh.

MACY:  
Why did we end? I just want to just clear the air so we can all do jobs with no resentment.

JOEY:  
Ok. I'll let you start.

MACY:  
Why did you dump me when you was accepted to Crestmore Business School and I went on to play basketball.

JOEY:  
I wanted my focus on business career and …...You deserved better.

MACY:  
What did you mean by that?

JOEY:  
I'm a man and I have to be a provider. I wasn't providing for you.

MACY:  
Which I call straight BS on. This is what I think. You wanted me out of the way so you didn't have to share on your success.

JOEY:  
That's not true! You played a major reason on why am I where I am at.

MACY:  
But I had to play second fiddle to what ever you wanted. I couldn’t be second fiddle to what you want.

JOEY:  
But I never saw you as second fiddle-

MACY:  
You just saw me less and less.

JOEY:  
That Turner and Vance thing really did a number on our relationship.

MACY:  
I think it started earlier than that - the senior year with me in a Ice cream truck paying off a debt. Debt have you every heard that word?

JOEY:  
Macy, I can't help my economic situation.

MACY:  
Joey, It sounds like you haven't changed at all.

JOEY:  
Macy, Wait.

MACY:  
That's the problem! I have been waiting! I can't wait for you to come around anymore. I’ve got to make the next move for me.

JOEY:  
Damn. I have been successful in everything I did but love.  
 **  
Scene 12 (Back to Daria and Jane)**

JANE:  
A twist on JoMa. - Nice! I notice a couple of things already.

DARIA:  
What are they?

JANE:  
You think if Mystik Spiral were a group of women rockers they would have had a record deal sooner?

DARIA:  
Yes, Jane I do. This is actually a double edge sword. Because they were men - they were judged on the music first. But, for women they would be judge on their looks first and music second. I have seen some sleazy A&R reps. Most of them that I have met or talked with are cool but they are a few guys and girls too that would out Upchuck, Mr. Upchuck himself.

JANE:  
Hmm. On Upchuck you think he would get way with more as a female?

DARIA:  
Yes, and I had someone that proves it, Quinn. If she didn't find Jeffy imagine what she would have been like?

JANE:  
Point proven. We don't change at all.

DARIA:  
I haven't given a lot of focus on us at all with the other stories rolling. It happen sometimes. I think it‘s due to the fact I don‘t have a plot idea for us yet.

JANE:  
Roll with this idea, John, Darius and Elsie's return with Alexander Griffin!

DARIA  
Are you hinting at?

JANE:  
We flip the whole Tom and Sandi situation see how it plays out in this story.

DARIA:  
Brilliant idea, Lane! I just realized we have 4 stories in play.

JANE:  
We are a good team.

DARIA:  
I'm writing it so I'm doing all the lifting and placing here.

  


  
**  
  
Scene 13 (Daria's Apartment)   
  
**   


(Knock on the door)

DARIA:  
Who is it?

MACK:  
It's Mackenzie.

(JANE opens the door)

MACK:  
I see – So I go to sleep and you run to Daria's

JANE:  
What! I was bored.

MACK:  
Well I see. A sleeping me is no fun. Wait is Daria writing a new Melody Powers?

DARIA:  
No, I flipped everyone at WHUB and moved them to Columbus, OH.

(Mack has a confused look)

JANE:  
She’s not kidding. That's what she's writing.

MACK:  
Wait - she flipped EVERYONE!

JANE:  
Even you and me, Mackenzie.

MACK:  
Wait that means - “Female” Upchuck! (Starts laughing hard)

JANE:  
I want to read about Maggie AKA “Female” Ted and Charlena, AKA “Female” Upchuck and their big night out

MACK:  
Oh boy. Did she cover me and Jodie's break up thing?

DARIA:  
I did and it’s Macy and Joey's break up thing.

MACK:  
OK, I'm intrigued by the story. Where are we at?

DARIA:  
Maggie and Charlena are getting ready to hit the town while Stan and Danny are about to make their moves on the Ladies of Mystik Spiral.

MACK:  
I'll try not to interrupt you, Daria.

DARIA:  
Thanks, Mack. Jane, can you make the same promise?

JANE: (laughs):  
You know you are telling a Lane to keep herself in order. Daria, A Lane and order doesn't go together at all. It's a complete shock that I have a STEADY job at all.

DARIA:  
OK, Point taken. Now let me do my magic.

(Daria starts typing the sound of the keyboard takes us to the next scene)

  
**  
  
Scene 14 (A bar in Columbus, Maggie is looking as fine as she wants to be but is leaving a little bit for the imagination. Charlena is in coming in her skimpy as possible club clothes and if she moves the wrong way there will be multiple wardrobe malfunctions on her)   
  
**   


MAGGIE:  
Uhmm, Charlena?

CHARLENA:  
Yeah, Maggie!

MAGGIE:  
How many men tried to stop you tonight?

CHARLENA:  
None, but the police thought I was selling myself. I don't need to do that!

MAGGIE:  
Really?

CHARLENA (thinking):  
Welllll, if there isn't any layoffs at WCOH.

MAGGIE:  
Wow, You are so shallow it's actually counts as depth for you.

CHARLENA:  
Thanks, don't mention it. Maggie you look -

MAGGIE:  
Classy?

CHARLENA:  
Hmmnn, No, the word I was looking for is boring!

MAGGIE:  
I'm looking for quality.

CHARLENA:  
Silly you don't need quality. You are young - live it up! Variety is the spice of life, Maggie.

MAGGIE:  
Also how you get many STDs and Various VDs. Charlena, if you want quality you have to scan the bar.

CHARLENA:  
I'll do him. - Him too. - Definitely him. - That guy over there not so much and Him (looking like Upchuck) never in a million years.

MAGGIE:  
On the last one what if I said he was rich?

CHARLENA:  
Saddle up and ride me hard!

MAGGIE:  
But you swept him aside?

CHARLENA:  
I did, didn't I?

MAGGIE:  
“Definitely Him” over there. Broke as a joke and lives with his momma. Point number one, looks can deceive you! Talk with them. Charlena? Lena?

( LMFAO's Party Rock Anthem starts playing)

MAGGIE:  
Why did I think I could tell her some sense in a BAR of all places?

(Charlena is dancing up on as many guys she can including the Upchuck looking guy)

MAGGIE:  
Bartender, Rum and Coke – PLEASE!!!

CHARLENA:  
WHOOOO!!! CHARLENA IS IN THE HOOOOOUUUUUSE!!!!!!

(Loud cheers from the crowd at that time the guy that Maggie point as broke and live with his mama steps to her)

MAGGIE:  
I see you didn't want to see the freak show.

GUY:  
I have seen it happen too many times before.

MAGGIE:  
What's your name?

DAVID:  
The Name's David. You look familiar?

MAGGIE:  
Maggie - I'm on WCOH. What's your story?

DAVID:  
You see the guy with that girl up there?

MAGGIE:  
With Lena?

DAVID:  
That's her name? Well that guy is Gary - he says he wants to change, but he has to move out of his mother's house first and to top it off he's a womanizer too.

MAGGIE:  
Lena is about to get a Rude Awakening in the morning! So what about you?

DAVID:  
I work in real estate and I own my business.

MAGGIE:  
Sounds likes you are rich.

DAVID:  
I am but I'm a cool guy - nobody likes a snob. I love to invest in green energy.

MAGGIE:  
YOU ARE THE WINNER TONIGHT! CHECK PLEASE!

DAVID:  
What about our friends?

MAGGIE:  
We will let them get friendly with each other - then laugh at the results in the morning.

DAVID:  
Sounds like a plan. Oh yeah, my car is the Red Lamborghini out there.

MAGGIE:  
Winning!

 **Scene 15 (Stan and Danny ended up getting dates with Trina and Jessie at an upscale restaurant. Stan and Danny are dressed up in suits)**  
  
DANNY:  
I can't believe it, Rowe! You came through - Me with Trina Lane and You with Jessie Moreno. Awesome!

STAN:  
I know I’m awesome like that!

DANNY:  
I love this team dynamic we have here. You are the thinker and me the rocker.

STAN:  
Wait did you or did you NOT want me to date your sister a couple of days ago?

DANNY:  
I wanted something out of this thing too.

STAN:  
Which was?

DANNY:  
A date with Trina.

STAN:  
I see what you did there, Moreno. So what prank will we do next to Charlena?

DANNY:  
I don't know yet. I like to play it by ear.

STAN:  
I’ve got my connections scouting out info as we speak.

DANNY:  
You and your connections already got me badly. I still remember the Broad and High prank!

STAN:  
Your high school picture for all of downtown Columbus to see.

DANNY:  
I'm still figuring out how you did that?

STAN:  
My connections.

(Trina and Jessie come in and they aren't dressing fancy, Trina, has on her black shirt with the white trim, like Jane is famous for but has a skirt and green leggings. Jessie comes with a tight leather top and her tight black pants.)

JESSIE:  
You must be Stan.

STAN:  
I am and glad to see you.

DANNY:  
Trina, how are you?

TRINA:  
Hmm I'm hungry for some good food. Sounds like the beginning of a good song.

JESSIE:  
We have to write that one.

TRINA:  
The Empty Stomach Blues!

STAN:  
Are they like this all the time?

DANNY:  
Oh, this is only the beginning, Stanley. Forgive him as he does not know of what he is about to walk into.

STAN:  
What about you?

DANNY:  
I had to live with them and heard these girl talk everyday for 10 years about music.

STAN:  
So what are we going to do now?

DANNY:  
Order some food and hope we survive the night!

(Back to the crew)

MACK:  
Have you and Jane ever had to do that with Mystik Spiral?

DARIA:  
Yes - One time when I was dating Trent and she was with Jesse. That night went to hell fast. We are actually persons non grata at Chez Pierre in Lawndale, MD.

JANE:  
It's a fancy way of saying we are banned for life from there.

DARIA:  
The night ended awesome with Pizza from Pizza King.

JANE:  
Pizza always saves the day.

DARIA:  
Plus Chez Pierre was on WBAL News for Health Code Violations. They said the only place that had more of them was Tokyo Toby's and they are out of business!

MACK:  
I remember the day after going there with Jodie – It just wasn't a scene that no person needed to see.

JANE:  
Back to the story - No us yet?

DARIA:  
I think we won't get to us.

MACK:  
Come on - what was it?

DARIA:  
I was going to flip Tom and Sandi situation.

MACK:  
How are you two feeling about it?

JANE:  
I'm happy for them.

DARIA:  
I'm still figuring out what Tom sees in Sandi.

MACK:  
Plus, I want to know more about Joey and Macy? Can they stand each others?

DARIA:  
All will be known but I need a pizza break. No Pizza! No Writing!

  
  
**  
  
  
Scene 16 (Daria's apartment, Mack and Jane are passed out in a “pizza coma”, leaving Daria to think out what's next with this story)   
  
  
**   


DARIA:  
Alright. I'm filled up and ready to go...... I just don't know where to take this story now. Let me back track through the story.

Danny and Stan are with two of the members of Mystik Spiral – May god help them, for when I had my date with Mystik Spiral, it was a fail of epic proportions. I'm going to spin that into a Mystik Spiral fanfic, so I can it post on the Spiralpusher Message Board - The Girls of Spiral. I like that idea.

Wait - No, Focus Daria. I want to get this done already.... however I have been reading that they want another “Gang of Four” album... Why do I not want to write about Tom and Sandi?

I don't get it - what could Tom Sloane see in Sandi Griffin other then a cheap lay? Why do I see Sandi as cheap and not good enough for Tom? I mean I broke it off with him because we were going in different directions in life. It’s also the same reason Mack used for Jodie. I need to talk to him about this.

(Daria walks over to Mack)

MACK (Sleep talking smoothly):  
That’s right baby, Mack Dynamite got all those sexy moves you need. Hey baby let Mack Daddy love alllll over you!

DARIA:  
Uhmm, That was totally awkward to hear and did not just happen. I now know why Kevin calls Mack, Mack Daddy!

(Shaking Mack awake):  
Mackenzie, get up.

MACK (half awake):  
Jane, that is a whole lot tamer then your usual way of waking me up.

DARIA:  
It's not Jane, It's Daria.

MACK:  
Oh snap. Uhhh.... what do you need?

DARIA:  
Advice.

MACK:  
Daria, I'm all ears for you.

DARIA:  
Here's the situation. You remember when Sandi told us about her going out with Tom and our reactions about it.

MACK:  
I sorta remember it. Jane was happy about it and you really didn't really say anything really in your style.

DARIA:  
The problem is I do feel something about the situation and I feel that Sandi is horrible for Tom in every sense of the word but Sandi and Tom are happy. If I said something I would be seen as a bitter ex because I broke it off with him before I went to college because we were going different places in life. Also, me feeling this way is wrong because I shouldn't care who Tom Sloane dates. I have my own live and my own boyfriend. Having said that though, if someone had told me in when I graduated out of high school, I would be with Kevin Thomson - I would of called them a dirty liar and kicked them in the shin or groin depending on what sex they were.

MACK:  
Whoa there, Morgendorffer.  
I see few things we need to tackle. One is should you feel something about the situation? Stacy told me that, Sandi was hesitant telling you and Jane because she thought that the feeling were still raw. It looks like you had a lot to say but you held your tongue to be nice.

Which leads to two and a question why is Sandi not good for Tom?

DARIA:  
I think Tom sees Sandi as easy lay.

MACK:  
But they been together for 5 months. Do you feel that Tom needs someone that is an equal to him mentally?

DARIA:  
Yes, That is what I am saying. Tom is intelligent and if they start talking about literature she will be looking like Sarah Palin at a library – utterly lost.

MACK :  
What about when Kevin and you when you start talking about books?

DARIA:  
You are flipping the question on me.

MACK:  
No, I'm just taking Sandi and Tom out and putting you and Kevin in. If I used your logic and reasoning, then Kevin would be just as lost when you start talking about literature and what you read.

DARIA:  
But that’s not the case. He introduced me to one of my new favorite hobbies, reading graphic novels. He actually read Ghost World and some other really good ones as well. You can't dislike a man that read Ghost World and loved it.

MACK:  
Daria, What I am saying is - There is more to Tom then what you talked about and maybe life and personal experiences brought them together.

DARIA:  
I didn't know you was a student of Philosophy.

MACK:  
Psychology too. I need that working at WHUB.

DARIA:  
You got one more question.

MACK:  
I do. Why are you embarrassed about Kevin?

DARIA: (hesitant):  
Did you ever think I would be going out with Kevin?

MACK: No -

DARIA:  
See I prove my point.

MACK:  
BUT - I'm glad you are. Listen, Daria. Say what you want about him, but one thing is true about him is he cares greatly about others. Daria, you would have to agree with me that Kevin has more heart then anyone you or I know. Also, out of anyone why does Daria Morgendorffer give a damn what people think about who she going with. So you are dating “The QB” - So what – A lot of women after meeting Kevin would love to be where you are right now. Out of all the women he could of gone out with, he chose you. Are you happy with him?

DARIA:  
Yeah.

MACK:  
Then what’s the problem?

DARIA:  
When I look at him I see “High School Kevin” not “Current Kevin” which is surprisingly smart. I love Kevin 2.0. The man can hang with me on smarts.

(thinking for a few moment)

Wait a second. He is doing ALL the things that I want out of a relationship and I kicked Tom to the curb for NOT doing those things and I am having a problem with it? What the hell is wrong is me? Kevin is a keeper! Thanks Mack.

MACK:  
No sweat.

DARIA:  
Thanks and I uhmm - I heard you sleep talking tonight.

MACK:  
I don't sleep talk, Daria. Jane says the same thing as well.

DARIA:  
You do and I'll give you the choice Mack Dynamite or Mack Daddy? How do you want to teased?

MACK:  
Mack Dynamite. Only Jane can call me Mack Daddy.

DARIA:  
I also don't want to know how Jane Lane wakes you up!

MACK:  
Damn, I said all that.

DARIA:  
You did.

MACK:  
With all the noise, I thought Jane would wake up by now?

DARIA:  
Mike Mackenzie, She's a Lane. It would take an earthquake to wake her up.

MACK:  
Or my move.

DARIA:  
MACK!

MACK:  
Daria, get your mind out of the gutter. My move is to push her off the bed. It works every time!

DARIA:  
Ouch! I have to ask - what's her move?

MACK:  
Bucket of cold water - right in my face. Rude but it works.

 **Scene 17 (In the story, Darius and John are in Darius' office as Alex Griffin comes in)**  
  
ALEX: I got great news.

DARIUS:  
Watch it! Last time you said “ I have great news” - You changed the morning team on channel 10.

ALEX:  
I am going out with a quality girl.

JOHN:  
Who is it?

ALEX:  
Elsie Sloane.

DARIUS:  
Whoa. What?

ALEX:  
I met Elsie.

JOHN:  
Wait up, Elsie?

DARIUS:  
That name can't be said in here.

ALEX:  
She's different than what you are saying.

DARIUS:  
OK, let's start with how you met.

ALEX:  
I met her at the hotel bar in Baltimore.

JOHN:  
STOP!

DARIUS:  
You met her at a hotel bar.

JOHN:  
How much did she want for the night?

ALEX:  
Stop it you two. I know your history with her. We talked for a while about what happened in her life. We just clicked.

DARIUS:  
You really like her.

ALEX:  
I do.

JOHN:  
Well if you are happy, I'm happy for you.

ALEX:  
Darius, what do you think?

DARIUS:  
Damn me for saying this - but I don‘t see the two of you working out.

ALEX:  
I hate to say this - but I disagree with you, Darius. So you two didn't end on a happy note. Why should I be miserable because of it?

JOHN:  
OOH, he hits you with the logic and reasoning. How will you strike back?

(Darius gives John a dirty look)

JOHN:  
What? You dumped her before you went to college. So I'm a not a party in this matter.

DARIUS:  
So what about Eva the girl that did swing dancing, Jessie Moreno from Mystik Spiral, and lastly Elsie Sloane.

JOHN:  
This is about you, Morgendorffer, not me.

ALEX:  
You forget there is a third person in the room, Me, Alexander Griffin.

DARIUS:  
Sorry, Alex. Elsie is a sharp mind and I just don't think you can stand up to her.

ALEX:  
I can hold my own just fine, Darius. Plus, we clicked together well and I got this special move I do when I take her leg and …....

DARIUS:  
Hey keep that to yourself, Man. I don't want to know what you do.

ALEX:  
OK, I will.

JOHN:  
Tell me that one so I can try it on Macy.

(DARIUS face palms)

 **Scene 18 (Maggie Dewitt-Clinton is drinking a cup of joe when Charlena comes in)**  
  
CHARLENA:  
MAGGIE DEWITT-CLINTON, YOU ARE A CROOK AND A SWINDLER!

MAGGIE:  
I didn't steal anything from you and I didn't lie to you.

CHARLENA:  
Yes you did! Last Night Gary who you said was rich - wasn't rich. He was broke and lives with MOM!

MAGGIE:  
If you stood by me just one more second you would have heard me say “Looks can deceive you! Talk with them.” - but when LMFAO came on you went into regular old Charlena Ruttheimer “everyday I'm shuffling” mode. Lena, you wonder why guys can't take you seriously. You can't take yourself seriously.

Also If you hung back and played it cool you would of met David. The dude is a catch but you showed your behind.

CHARLENA:  
Wait who was David – Wait he was the one I would of definitely done.

MAGGIE:  
He wasn't feeling you, but he felt me (leaning in to Charlena with a Mona Lisa smile) all over.

CHARLENA:  
So that was where you were!

MAGGIE:  
Yep!

CHARLENA:  
You beat me at my game.

MAGGIE:  
I told you at the beginning, Charlena, I play chess.

CHARLENA:  
You are also a joke as well.

MAGGIE:  
What?

CHARLENA:  
Why do you see me as your competition?

MAGGIE:  
Charlena, you are talking crazy.

CHARLENA:  
Have you once just sat and talked with me just person to person not just as someone who is trying to change me into what you want?

MAGGIE:  
I haven't. I don't know why we can't start now.

CHARLENA:  
Good.

MAGGIE:  
Why do you act the way you act?

CHARLENA:  
I had the same question about you as well!

MAGGIE:  
When you are raised by radical hippies parents that home schooled you, there isn't much that is normal. Plus having Stan Rowe as your ex is interesting too.

CHARLENA:  
I’m surprised that you aren't crazy.

MAGGIE:  
This job keeps me sane. So what’s your story?

CHARLENA:  
Would you believe that I was the class geek?

MAGGIE:  
No way in heck. I would have pegged you as the one that got all the guys.

CHARLENA:  
I should show you my high school picture. It makes Danny's High school photo look REALLY good. Well I met Andrew Hecuba-Thorne at the graduation party at Joey's house, he was a goth – wait I should say portrayed himself as a goth as he was the nicest individual I have ever met. We went out for two years until I screwed it up and we broke up because of it. I have dated many guys, but he is the one that got me and to this day is the only one that I still have regrets about.

MAGGIE:  
And all you have been doing is trying to find the one since them. I have been attacking the problem the wrong way. I’ve got an idea.

CHARLENA:  
Wait, I want to know your idea. When ever I hear “I have a idea” it’s usually followed by a prank on me.

MAGGIE:  
No prank as my name is NOT Stan or Danny but my idea is good one, Charlena.  
 **  
** **Scene 19 (Joey Landon is in his office on his Ipad as Macy comes in)**  
  
MACY:  
I swear that thing is like another appendage for you.

JOEY:  
I'm doing work.

MACY:  
Angry Birds isn't work.

JOEY:  
Well, I get bored too.

MACY:  
Wait, you know what fun is?

JOEY:  
Yes, I know what fun is.

MACY:  
You mean fun wasn't working till 11pm for you.

JOEY:  
I know what you are saying, Macy. I am not a workaholic.

MACY:  
You are, but that's not why I'm here. I think our conversation earlier didn't go as planned.

JOEY:  
Let me have it.

MACY:  
No that was the problem. I shouldn't have let you have it like that.

JOEY:  
Saint Macy comes to saves the day because Saint Macy can't say anything bad and actually have a opinion about something. Listen, Macy you should feel that way, because I did screw up.

MACY:  
But we have to work together and I want things to at least be respectful between us.

JOEY:  
OK, I got you on that. I'll shake on that.

(Back to the apartment)

JANE:  
WHAT ARE YOU UP TO!

DARIA: (Jumping out of her seat)  
Lane, What the HELL is wrong with you?

JANE:  
They ask that same question when we are together on the radio as well. Amiga, do you know what time it is?

DARIA:  
No. What time is it?

JANE:  
7:20am

DARIA:  
I must of gotten into a zone.

JANE:  
It happens to me too as well while painting. So how's the story coming?

DARIA:  
It's almost done. Plus, it made me think about how I see the crew at WHUB.

JANE:  
How DO you see them?

DARIA:  
I get them and they get me. Hey - I smell bacon!

JANE:  
Mack's cooking breakfast.

DARIA:  
I can take some eggs and bacon before finishing this. I also got the treat of hearing Mack sleep talk.

JANE:  
Strange, right?

DARIA:  
Yep, and he already knows he will be cracked upon this week.

 

 

  
  
**  
  
  
Scene 20 (Daria's Apartment)   
  
  
**   


JANE:  
Amiga, are you finally going to get some sleep?

DARIA:  
No, because this story will keep bugging me ‘til I'm done with it.

JANE:  
I‘m sure you get that.

MACK:  
So it's like an artist with an unfinished work?

JANE:  
Or that thing you need to do and just keeps nagging you to the point of insanity.

DARIA:  
Yes.

JANE:  
So how are you going to finish it?

DARIA:  
I’ve got two story lines to finish up with. Stan and Danny's story and Maggie and Charlena's story. I don't have a good ending for Maggie and Lena but I got something for Stan and Danny. I'll go and knock out this part of the story.

JANE:  
Go get them champ!

MACK:  
Rumble and write, young woman, rumble and write!

DARIA:  
Does anyone really watch boxing anymore?

JANE:  
Nope.

(Daria gets writing)

  
**  
  
  
Scene 21 (WCOH Studios)   
  
  
**   


STAN:  
It's Rowe and Moreno, WCOH 106.7 on your dial.

DANNY:  
We have been teasing this for a while. We had dates last night.

STAN:  
Yes, we did you might know them - The lead singer and rhythm guitarist for Mystik Spiral, Trina Lane and Jessie Moreno.

DANNY:  
Full disclosure time! Stan has been asking me for the better part of two years to go out with my sister. I have been hesitant because as you know Stan can go a little crazy.

STAN:  
Wait, You said because your sister is a few strikes of a perfect game which is very nice way of saying she's dumb as a box of rocks.

DANNY:  
Stannnllly.

STAN:  
You said full disclosure.

DANNY:  
I did, didn't I?

STAN:  
You did! Plus, you got a date with Trina Lane - so you can't complain.

DANNY:  
So are we going to talk about our dates with half of Mystic Spiral?

STAN:  
So the night began with us meeting them at a fancy restaurant.

DANNY:  
Bad move number one!

STAN:  
They came in how they look when they performed – you know Trina with the black dress and the tights and Jessie with her leather. We all of a sudden felt we over- dressed for the occasion.

DANNY:  
We don't do ties at all but we did for them.

STAN:  
In short, they made us look like dorks but they were cool with it.

DANNY:  
Then, they were thinking of a song to write about the dinner.

STAN:  
Look for the next single from The Spiral – Empty Stomach Blues.

DANNY (Laughing):  
Yeah and it will be a hit. So we order dinner and that’s where the fun begins.

STAN:  
Exactly, So we start ordering our food and Trina and Jessie starting look at the menu. Needless to say, Trina and Jessie wasn't really feeling the menu.

DANNY:  
They call over the waiter and say quite simply “where is the hamburger at on the menu.”

STAN:  
The Waiter informed them they don't have a hamburger on the menu.

DANNY:  
Great move, because my sister saw how unconformable I was in that suit.

STAN:  
And they also said being seen there hurt there “criminale” style. So we ended up at Dontatos - got a couple of pizzas and went to the park.

DANNY:  
We ended up having a good time.

STAN:  
And your sister isn't as dumb as you think.

DANNY:  
You are right about that and you didn't screw it up.

STAN:  
And you didn't either as well. This is WCOH!

  
**  
  
  
Scene 22 (Daria's Apartment)   
  
  
**   


DARIA:  
One story line finished. One more to go.

(KEVIN comes in.)

KEVIN:  
Hey Daria! Whoa - you're writing. Sweet! A new Melody Powers!

DARIA:  
Not this time, Kevin. It's a short story.

KEVIN:  
Cool! …. What is it about?

DARIA:  
A gender-flipped WHUB.

KEVIN:  
Who did you flip me as, Daria?

DARIA:  
Brittany.

KEVIN:  
Aw man! I can't get a break from her.

DARIA:  
So how’s the new job?

KEVIN:  
Color commentary for PawSox is pretty cool but Brittany? Really Daria?

DARIA:  
Darius likes big boobs - he can not lie.

KEVIN:  
Wait what is today?

DARIA:  
It's Sunday.

KEVIN:  
NAKED SUNDAY!!!!

DARIA:  
That it is. I'll join you in a minute.

(Kevin runs off to the room as Mack and Jane comes in)

JANE:  
Hey.

DARIA:  
When did you two leave?

MACK  
While you was writing. You are right - you do get into a zone. It's kind of scary.

DARIA:  
You should see Jane with the station's play list.

JANE:  
So where are you in the story?

DARIA:  
Maggie's Idea – Its the only one that I haven't got a good ending for. I hate the contrive ending It just sucks to do that.

MACK:  
Well they are the basics for a reason.

JANE:  
And knowing you'll do something to put a twist on it.

DARIA:  
I got something and it's better. I know it's better.  
 **  
Scene 23 (Outside of WCOL studio)**

CHIP:  
What are you doing out here?

CHARLENA:  
A lot of thinking.

CHIP:  
At the smoker's bench?

CHARLENA:  
It was there and I don't smoke - so don't ask me for a light either.

CHIP:  
I don't smoke either. So what are you thinking about?

CHARLENA:  
Here I am at 30 and I don't really know what I want out of life. I want to settle down be happy with that one guy in life. Hell, I'm not even talking about marriage or any of that crap. I just want that one person that gets me for me.

CHIP:  
So where are you at with it?

CHARLENA:  
In the middle of nowhere with it but check back in six months.

CHIP:  
It's that bad. So what are you all about.

CHARLENA:  
I'm the desperate girl at the bar - you might of seen me before.

CHIP:  
Yeah, I recognized you.

CHARLENA:  
I actually got Maggie to help me out.

CHIP:  
What! Maggie is the LAST person I want helping me! Lena, you are desperate.

CHARLENA:  
Why is Maggie the worst choice for relationship advise?

CHIP:  
Is she in a relationship currently?

CHARLENA:  
No.

CHIP:  
I rest my case on that. So what was Maggie's Idea?

CHARLENA:  
She wanted to try to get me and Andrew back together. That was a horrible idea because Me and Andrew didn't click. We were like oil and water – He actually called me too peppy for him.

CHIP:  
I find that funny. So do you want to got get some thing to eat?

CHARLENA:  
I would like to, Chipmunk. By the way, what your real name?

CHIP:  
Charles Siobahn.

  
**  
  
  
Scene 24 (Daria's Apartment)    
  
  
**   


MACK:  
That looks familiar.

DARIA:  
It should. That's Chipmunk and Upchuck's first meeting.

JANE:  
Good ending.

MACK:  
I don't think it could be done any better.

KEVIN:  
HEY DARIA!!

DARIA:  
OH NO! I forgot about him!

KEVIN:  
IT'S NAKED SUNDAYYYY!!!!

(He opens his eyes)  
Ehhhhhhh.... UHMMM ….

(Extremely embarrassed)  
Unn, Daria? Why are they here?

JANE:  
And we are happy to see you too, Kevin.

MACK: (is just dying of laughter):  
Jane, It looks like we interrupted Daria's Sunday secret tradition with Kevin.

KEVIN:  
EEP!

DARIA:  
OK, what's the price?

MACK:  
You mention my sleep talking, I’ll mention “Naked Sunday”. Got it?

DARIA:  
Deal.

JANE:  
You’ve got nothing on me, Mackenzie

MACK:  
I'll tell your little secret too, Lane.

JANE:  
OK, NOW you’ve got my attention!

KEVIN:  
That all great and all - but I'm naked to the world over here!

DARIA:  
Kevin, grab that sheet pan over there.

(Kevin grabs the sheet pan)

MACK:  
GOD MAN! NOT THAT WAY!

JANE:  
There isn't enough brain bleach for that moment.

MACK:  
Tell me when it over!

DARIA:  
You keep going, I’ll make him do jumping jacks for you two.

JANE:  
Why Morgendorffer, Why!

MACK:  
There are thing I don't want to see. That is one of them. I'm leaving!

(JANE and MACK run out of there)

DARIA:  
Kevin.

KEVIN:  
Yes, Daria.

DARIA:  
Go back to the room. I'll be there in a sec.

KEVIN:  
ALL RIGHT!

DARIA (looking at the story):  
Well that was fun but this one is not ready for the world to see.  
 **  
(END of Episode #5)**

  


 

  


 

  



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